The worrier

She was worried. Of course, this was a usual phenomenon for her. She was a natural worrier - always thinking about whether her lipstick, shoes, nailpaint and bag are coordinated or whether her maid will show up the next day or whether the world will be a better place.

But this time, the worry was justified. She had lied to her boss about the report being ready. It wasn't, not remotely. She had been busy worrying whether the guy on Tinder will ask her out on a date. And everything else had faded into the background.

"No need to worry", she had told herself. The boss had back-to-back meetings that day and he had to prepare for the client meeting tomorrow.

"I will figure the report tomorrow; just a matter of an hour" she had consoled herself. But now the boss had asked her for the report and she was stunned.

What had happened...Were his meetings cancelled?..Was tomorrow's meeting postponed...Did his boss ask him for the report?...Was this report that important? But it's just a simple report, how can this be so important?...so why had the boss asked?

The boss came out of his cabin and stood for what seemed like eternity. She said a quick prayer and hoped the boss won't talk to her. But she was wrong. He walked straight to her and said, "Send the report over right now"

She froze, felt giddy with fear and nodded blankly. She swung her chair towards her desktop and pretended to send the report. From the corner of her eye, she could still see her boss talking to her colleague.

Her pulse seemed to drop and she felt giddier still. Her mind was at war, whether to tell the truth or continue the lie. She half-turned in her chair to see her boss go back into his cabin.

She opened the report and realized that there is no way she can finish it today to send it. Her hands wouldn't move. Her mind and body were both frozen. She reprimanded herself for lying, berated herself for being so stupid and hated herself for being such an ass.

Another 2 hours for the work day to end...she glanced at her watch - only 10 minutes had passed.."Please help me God", she pleaded. 

Time crawled and her fear mutated into panic now. Her boss came out of his cabin again and called out to her across the cubicles.."Did you send the report?"

There are times when one can be actively frozen and this moment was terrifying. 

To be continued...

Series ke next season ke liye wait karte ho na? Toh wait karo! 🙃

Smile of an Angel

I smiled, he smiled back. 

My heart skipped a beat.

They say a genuine smile is seen in the eyes.

His eyes were shining. What did the extra shine mean?

I shut these random thoughts in my head.

Oh those pearly whites and baby pink lips, contrasting his extra-fair smooth complexion! And his hair was that of a model in a shampoo ad - silky and shiny.

He continued smiling at me. I blushed. Did I have the look? (the one that my friends call as the-monkey-ogling-at-the-banana look). By the time I could figure this out, he was right in front of me. 

He smelled heavenly. I lost track of time. I was floating with the clouds, basking in his warm handsomeness. Suddenly, I saw a hand close to my eyes. I stumbled back.

"Hey! Sorry to startle you", my angel said. "You seemed to be lost in thought."

I made some noise that even I couldn't figure out. He was saying something. I hadn't heard a single word. Was he asking me on a date? Did he give me a compliment? Had he asked me to marry him? I just didn't know.

Gathering my courage, I asked, "Sorry. I have a headache. I didn't quite understand what you were saying."

He flashed his angelic smile once more and said, "You look just like my sister." 

Unexpected friends

He was always scared of lizards, more creeped out than scared. He always tried to find out why but I guess some questions have no answers.

And another question that he had no answer to, was why Curt was living in his room. Curt - his uninvited (not so pet) lizard. He was frustrated with Curt. Try as he might, Curt would just not leave his room; in fact, not even travel to other rooms of his house. He had tried pest control, supersonic sensors, prayers and even stooped as low as begging Curt to leave. 

Curt had a schedule, just like him - stuck to the floor in the morning and crawling up the ceiling in the night. When he would exercise, Curt would "squeak",  "huff" when he would cheat on his diet and "click" when he excessively binge-watched Netflix. When he was happy, he would find Curt peeping from behind his bookshelf, nodding his dry, scaly head.

Days would go by, with him swearing and cursing Curt; sometimes scared and mostly angry. Curt would keep him on his toes. He would scream at Curt to go away and in his bad moods, he would vow to kill Curt.

But today was different.

He was heartbroken - hurt, sad and angry. He just wanted to be left alone, as she had - all of a sudden. He hadn't even seen this coming. He thought he was going to get married soon. But she had walked away as if he didn't even matter. 

He needed to grieve, on his own - no family advising him, no friends trying to distract him with parties, no exes trying to comfort him.

He turned on his Netflix to a random series and set the TV blaring to shut out the noise in his mind. Curt peeked out from behind the bookshelf. 

He looked at Curt. Their eyes met and Curt just knew something was wrong. 

He frowned as if saying, "No!! Not today. I need to be alone. Go away."

Curt tilted his head asking, "Are you sure? You look as if you could use some company. You don't need to talk or do anything. We can be quiet also."

His frown softened, "Thanks for the offer, friend. But I just need some space today".

"Fine. I understand," Curt said. "Just be. I will see you tomorrow". and backed into his space behind the shelf.

He smiled. Something special had happened. He couldn't know what. He just felt better. 

Curt had finally become a part of his life.

When people become projects

There are some mistakes that are universal and I am not exempt as well.

A huge number of us choose professions that involve helping people, attempting to influence their lives in some positive way. Even if you aren't in a helping profession, helping others may be one of your values or desires.

The intention is noble and the effort genuine. 

But what starts as an honest endeavor often backfires. Here are some of the reasons:

1. YOU feel they need help. Do they? Did they ask for it? Did we ask (explicitly) if they need help? Often times, especially in personal relationships, we assume that the other person can live a better life, deserves better; at least doesn't deserve pain and suffering. So we attempt to create insights, give advice, probe and prod till the other gives in to our plan for change. Of course, there are also times when the other doesn't give in to your pleas! If we are prudent, we will stop here. But not me!

2. Now it's a challenge to ensure that the other realizes what's good and what's not. We persevere and sometimes lady luck favours us. Although we may be tired, we carry on since we really believe in our mission of helping. "Don't give up" doesn't actually work here. But I continue!

3. The beginning of any change is realization. Amidst all the conversation, we attempt to make the person realize by asking, telling, and demonstrating often. Some of us who don't mind using some "force of will" also end up threatening or emotionally blackmailing to get cooperation. But the greatest insight is that the difference between helping and fixing is the same difference between empathy and sympathy. Fixing and sympathy stem out of frustration and are less likely to create any empowerment. 

4. Our lack of self-awareness, coupled with theirs, may lead to more complications.

Mind games are played knowingly or unknowingly. Things escalate quickly here. I wonder.

5. Few of us have surely experienced the sense of achievement when people change the way we wanted them to. For the rest of us, we are already entangled in the web of associating their change as our achievement. When there is no movement, 

frustration starts.

6. Then happens a deadlock...with us pushing too hard and the other holding their stance. This is where we look back at the futility of our actions. Most of us go through the push-and-pull of emotions, between anger, regret and disappointment. This is where I write a useless article like this!

So how do we break the deadlock and avoid the drama?

1. Learn to know the difference between venting and asking for help. This is quite by trial-and-error.

2. Understand your circle of control and influence. Most of the times, your circle of control will include asking the right questions to bring about awareness (which you can learn through reading or by experience) and listening (shut up while you do! - difficult but possible)

3. If you offer advice when asked, make sure you give enough time for the advice to sink in. Better off, will be to not expect anything at all to happen.

4. And finally, remember your need to change someone must not be more than their need to change themselves.

Well, anyway another useless musing added to my collection and the choice is surely yours!

The last Gulab Jamun

It was my 31st birthday. My husband decided to give me a surpise. He made my favorite dessert - gulab jamun...and 31 of them...

I am not very fond of a grand birthday party so we called only his mother over. She is a sweetheart, when she is not with my father-in-law. She also has a sweet tooth and we often go for a girl's night out to binge on desserts.

Fortunately, the gulab jamuns turned out to be very tasty. Surprisingly so, since my husband is not really a great cook. We all helped ourselves to large portions randomly through the day.

It was 11.55 in the night; still 5 minutes before my birthday would be over. I opened the container and was immediately disappointed...all the gulab jamuns were over...all except one..the Last One...

I couldn't actually remember how many I had eaten through the day. Feeling guilty that I might have overeaten my share, I closed the container and put it back. 

My mother-in-law left 2 days later and we were back to our routines. My 31st year was quite exciting. I had received several wonderful gifts not only from family but also from my colleagues at work. 

Days passed away serenely till it was New Year's eve. Since I had had wine- a glass one too many, I craved for something sweet. I scrounged my fridge and found the container.

When I opened it, it filled me with regret and disgust. Completely metamorphosed was the Last Gulab Jamun, which could have been my birthday treat!

The fly who churned cream

"It" was a fly. Unlike many other flies, It could read. It lived in a huge, clean home with a family of cleanliness freaks. Even the kids in the family were so disciplined that they would hardly leave any food uncovered or any rubbish strewn around.

It would love this since he loved the challenge of "outfoxing" the family. To find any spot to bask in, was an exhilarating challenge for It. The family had a huge library filled with books. It would like to sit under the collar or on the shoulder of one of the family members and read books. 

The little one of the house was It's favourite. She messed up the most and then It had its chance to swarm over the mess, she would leave behind. One day, she was reading about 2 flies, who fell into a glass of milk. It was quite excited to read about someone like it. The story was action-packed and the climax was very interesting for the fly who churned the milk into cream. 

"I didn't think I could do that!", It thought. "But it will be quite fun to try."

It decided to try this the very next day. It waited for breakfast. Mom laid the table, a spread of toast, butter, jam, eggs - sunny side up, cornflakes and a big glass of piping, hot milk.

It flew to the table and waited on the edge for the milk to cool down.What did you think? It was not a fool; It knew better than to approach anything hot.

The glass belonged to the little one. She was taking little bites of her toast. After what seemed like eternity, It slowly moved and sat on the rim of the glass. It slowly stepped on to the thin cream that had formed inside the glass. 

It felt its legs sinking into the warm milk. It was time for action. It started swinging its legs. Oh no! It wasn't able to churn. Its life flashed before its eyes. A life of luxury, of rest, only eating and no exercise...Its legs were weak and got stuck in the cream.

As It drowned, he caught a glimpse of an advertisement on the blaring TV.

These stunts are performed by trained professionals, don't try this at home!