Duty, Respect and Love

Being logical helps. To a great extent. In connecting things, events, predicting consequences...all except emotions or even values. 

I have found that they just have to be built, learnt, accepted even as you grow up.

My recent learning (in the toughest way possible) is differentiating between duty, respect and love. I always believed that if you loved someone, respect would come naturally and therefore it would be easy to fulfil your duty (in case of a specific person or even work).

This is, of course, true; however not applicable in all situations.

Sometimes duty and respect are so devoid of love. My therapist pointed out how Duryodhan felt towards Bhishma. There was hardly any love (in fact more resentment) in that relationship. I am just guessing that Bhishma felt not very different. Regardless, both had to fulfill their duty towards each other. 

Taking it one step forward towards respect, even that was a duty for Duryodhan. Whether he liked it or not, he had to greet Bhishma, ask for his blessings and even request him to become his commander-in-chief at war!

Nowhere was any love involved in this entire dealing. 

And even more tricky it must have been for Bhishma, cos his love lay with someone else and yet his duty was towards the King.

I struggle today to separate each of these circles, intertwined in my own mind. 

More learnings and transitions continue...

People and projections

Kallidaikurichi - a quaint and noisy village near Kanniyakumari - happens to be my native place. 

People are friendly as well as gossip-mongers. But what amuses me is the speed at which they form perceptions.

So on a hot afternoon, I am sent on an errand to transport 3 tender coconuts in a sack to a family friend in the neighbouring street. The challenge with buying tender coconuts and getting them home, is to break (skin/god knows what the English term is) them. So I pick up a not-so-sharp axe and start hammering one of them - just for kicks. 

After mutilating the coconut enough, I decided that I must hand over the cocounts and the axe to the recipients to do the honours. 

So with the sack hauled over my right shoulder and the axe in my left hand, I trudged towards my destination. 

Just as I turned the corner, I saw a dog staring at me with suspicious eyes. With every step I took, its barks escalated till I no longer had the courage to step forward.

I stood there, helpless (even though I held an axe). 

A scrawny, unkempt, old man trudged behind me. I stared at him with pleading eyes, hoping that he could rescue me. 

Just like a miracle, he did. In a soft, slurred tone he asked me to keep walking.

"This dog barks at everyone", he said. "It belongs to the house right there. They just leave him out on the streets just like that. He only barks, nothing else."

I was relieved at those reassuring words and was just about to feel obligated to him when he said," You are wearing pants no? That's why the dog is barking at you!"

Quite unsure of what to think or feel, I slithered away towards the house. 

As I delivered the sack of coconuts and the axe and returned via the same street, I encountered the dog again, which dismissed me as if I didn't even exist.

I smiled to myself, realising how I had bought into a projected perception of how a woman should be dressed. 

(Projection, in psychology, is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people)

Projections are probably the simplest ways to not accept reality, resist change and still be "okay" with yourself and your world. After this instance, I continue to encounter, or rather realize, projections around me. 

What's a challenge is to not give into them. After all, dogs are more accepting than people! 😉