Saturday, 24 April 2021

The mini heartbreak




She always felt unlucky in matters of romantic love. If she would like someone, they would friend-zone her eventually. When someone would like her, there would be a catch.

It was 5 years since her last relationship. He had known all along that his family wouldn't agree to them and not surprisingly, walked away and got married. He now had 3-year-old son. He, apparently, was still in love with her though she was sure she wasn't.

She was quite hopeless about her "love" life; although, it would peep its head out time and again. Her friends moved on in their lives and her father's voice resonated in her ears - "you just need someone as you get older". She shivered at the thought of being left all alone. 

It was Holi. Considering there was no celebration due to a pandemic, everyone was confined to celebrating it on social media. Her Messenger was flooded with 'happy holi' messages - some from known, a lot more from unknown people. She replied diligently to each one of them. 

They say that you can identify pre-ordained events by the effortlessness with which you slip into them. This message was like that. She typed out a witty reply to a happy holi message. Little did she realize that it would cause a dominos of feelings.

He replied courteously to her witty message. She wondered who he was. After some hesitation, she ended up asking him how he knew her. It seemed that she had fleetingly met him for about 5 min, 5 years ago. He remembered that she wore a blue saree and heels. She was surprised and awkward for she had no recollection of who he was.

In the course of polite conversation, he said that he wished to start his own venture. The puzzle solver that she was, volunteered to help him out with it. They decided to speak on a call after dinner. She glanced at the time; it was 10.30. She thought the call would be done in an hour for all she had to do was to give advice. When she hung up, it was 3 in the morning.

What followed was a rollercoaster of emotions - it had been a while that she had let her guard down, revealed so much about herself (of course, he was good at drawing her out too!). She felt a flutter in my heart. The next day she spent glancing at her phone for his message. No message yet. She dozed off early. The next morning, she saw the message that he had left at 11 the last night. Her heart did a little jig. She now thought of ways to start a conversation.

She wrote a story that he had narrated in his first conversation and sent it to him. It sure did start a conversation. There was something about him that let her drop her guard, be herself and talk freely. She felt the onset of romance; she'd been praying to experience this feeling for a while now. Maybe her life would change now; maybe she has found what can be called a relationship. 

3 consecutive days - she messaged, they talked; it was wonderful! 

On the 4th day, after an exhilarating conversation, he asked her abruptly, "do you have a boyfriend?"

Although stunned by the sudden question, her heart was ecstatic. In that fraction of a second, a wonderful future unfolded before her. A loud sound somewhere brought her back to pay attention to his voice.

"Actually, I am married.", he was saying. 

"I thought as much", she said almost automatically. "I'm sure it must be complicated."

The empath in her took over and she listened and made all the appropriate sounds. A few minutes later, she hung up.

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces (not million like earlier times). Hope faded into oblivion. She had, once more, experienced a mini-heartbreak from a 4-day old relationship.



Thursday, 22 April 2021

Disintegration of persistence of memory - Salvador Dali

She sat at the window, looking at the sunset. It was beautiful - made her smile and cry at the same time. She knew it was evening for it was sunset.

She didn't know what time was it, or day or month or year. Time didn't matter now. Rather, events didn't matter - only feelings did. Overall, she felt satisfied. Sometimes she wondered what had happened in her life to feel so content. But she couldn't remember. It had been a while since she remembered anything.

She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But she felt okay cos she didn't even remember that she had Alzheimer's.

Saturday, 17 April 2021

The death wish


Sighing and heaving every moment,
Life seems like a cross to be carried
It's been a long time on Earth
Her stay here seems to be tarried

She wants to go, she wants to leave
Can't find a way out of the crap
It feels like a bird
Who's caught in a trap

Hopeless or hopeful it doesn't matter now
It's just another day to be lived
Nothing to look forward to
Any happiness is just short-lived

Her eyes close with a final wish
Longing to make the ascend
Her lips curl into a smile
Waiting for the end.