My Bucket List

 

 

I am a sucker for goal setting. One thing I do diligently every year is to fill my yearcompass (https://yearcompass.com/)

And I dream and I aspire for more in my life.

What's interesting is that I also teach people to set SMART goals. But all that mojo fades - and how quickly it does.

But it appears in flickers some days, especially when I ask myself difficult existential questions. Or when I get jealous of someone who's done what I have always wanted to do.

I was earlier on a community called dayzeroproject (https://dayzeroproject.com/) to create my bucket list. So, each list pans across approx 2 and half years (1001 days). I did ok I should say. Must have achieved around 40% of the list every time.

I wonder why I never got more than 50% there. Anyway, the moral of the story - I love bucket lists! But haven't got too far ticking off many tasks on it. So here I am once again, attempting to create a bucket list and add meaning, fun, adventure, happiness, growth, achievement, and contentment to my life.

 

Here are some things I would like to add to my bucket list and achieve it sooner or later:

Travel/Nature

1.      Visit Hampi

2.      Stay in Pondicherry for a week at least

3.      Travel to Valley of Flowers, Uttarakhand

4.      Visit the Kaas Plateau, Satara

5.      Spend some time at the Gokarna beach (or camp, if possible)

6.      Road trip to Shivaji Maharaj’s 12 important forts

7.      Stay at least overnight in a treehouse

8.      Go to Darjeeling

9.      Road trip – motorbike to Ladakh

10.  See Dawki Lake, Meghalaya

11.  Rann of Kutch festival

12.  Visit a wildlife sanctuary – Sunderbans or Gir or Tadoba or all

13.  See the waterfalls at Chikmagalur

14.  Visit either the Andaman or Lakshwadeep islands

15.  Visit Kolkata during Durga Puja

16.  Watch the Northern Lights

17.  Visit a vineyard

18.  Laze in a hammock

19.  Visit Maldives

20.  Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day

21.  Pray at the Golden Temple, Amritsar

22.  Travel on the ‘Palace on Wheels’

23.  Visit Disneyland, Florida

 

Hobbies/JLT

1.      Artwork on the wall at home

2.      Learn dance steps to a song

3.      Record a song (karaoke)

4.      Knit woollen wear for a baby

5.      Cook a Mexican dish from scratch

6.      Make homemade face packs

7.      Go snorkelling

8.      Grow herbs at home

9.      Read 100 books

10.  Learn to speak basic Spanish

11.  Write a blog every month

12.  Start a podcast

13.  Visit a tulip garden

14.  Visit a butterfly house

15.  Spend a night in a houseboat

16.  Go skinny dipping

17.  Make an origami article

18.  Get my nose pierced

19.  Have my fortune told

20.  Attend a beer festival

21.  Eat at a molecular gastronomy restaurant

22.  Learn to use chopsticks

23.  Complete a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle

24.  Learn to drive an auto

25.  Get my motorcycle licence

26.  Paint a rock

27.  Crash a wedding

28.  Binge watch a series

29.  Go without media for a day

30.  Watch a play

31.  Create a fairy garden

32.  Create a name board for my home

33.  Make a comic book or a zine

34.  Learn to change a flat tyre

35.  Kiss on a Ferris Wheel

36.  Photobomb a stranger

37.  Eat all flavours of ice cream at Apsara

38.  Climb a lighthouse

39.  Visit an aquarium

40.  Watch the sunrise on a mountain

 

 

 

Sport

1.      Run a marathon

2.      Zipline

3.      Learn to swim

4.      Meditate on top of a mountain

5.      Make an object from pottery

6.      Go stargazing

7.      Cycle on a scenic road (preferably near a beach or river)

8.      Take a sunrise hike

9.      Go for a nature walk

10.  Ride on a tandem bike

 

 

Social contribution

1.      Educate or train underprivileged children

2.      Participate in an Annadaan campaign (feeding program)

3.      Tithe regularly for a year

4.      Perform 5 random acts of kindness

5.      Make a skill development book for young adults

6.      Learn the alphabet in sign language

7.      Donate blood

8.      Volunteer in the kitchen in a religious place – Golden Temple or any other Gurudwara

9.      Conduct a free session for kids at my school – SIWS

10.  Participate in a cleaning drive

 

Spirituality

1.      Visit the midnight Christmas mass

2.      Pray every day

3.      Learn a Sanskrit mantra by heart

4.      Learn to sing 5 Carnatic songs

5.      Forgive

6.      Take a 90-day Great Invocation challenge

7.      Meditate for 21 days non-stop

 

Health and well-being

1.       Get to my ideal weight/ BMI – 58kgs

2.       Hold a plank for a minute

3.       Wear a bikini

4.       Walk 10000 steps for at least a month

5.       Create an exercise habit

 

 

Luxury

1.       Stay overnight at a five-star hotel

2.       Take a cruise

3.       Have champagne

4.       Get a spa (Myrah)

5.       Buy fancy lingerie

6.       Stay in a fancy resort

7.       Take a bubble bath

8.       Stay cozy inside and do nothing on a rainy day

 

Money

1.        

 

 

 

 

Scared to be sexy!

I dread it - the sight of him - a flasher, a voyeur, a pervert...It was a little unbelievable for me to come across a person like this in a quaint, little town. But places never had anything to do with perverts.

I have heard this from many (wise and educated) people that I may be attracting abusers. Well, I have nothing to say to that.

I didn't attract my abuser when I was 5  that's karma, right? Either way, it looks as though I am responsible for what I went or am going through.

Sigh.

Nevertheless, what made me write this is that in the last 3 months, I have put on over 12 kgs. I look bloated (read fat). I have been strongly determined to lose weight and look good. Actually look sexy and wear really nice clothes (been there, done that!). But somewhere I dread it. I am scared of looking good. I am terrified of looking sexy or beautiful. I am terrified of being noticed - by men, by perverted men, by men who can undress me just by looking at me.

Childhood abuse can creep into different aspects of a person's life. And it can last for ages! Right from self-worth and esteem issues to commitment phobia, body image is not left far behind. I have come a long way from looking at myself in the mirror to liking what I see. I have taken up dance classes to just make myself feel comfortable in my own skin. It has taken a herculean effort to dress up in pretty, feminine clothes and putting on makeup. I still feel awkward doing that consistently.

Of course, there is a big conversation happening around how clothes don't stop perverts from gawking at you. But this fear of being leered at is very, very real! 

I am strong that way you know, confident. I know I can take care of myself.

But the fear is there. Of a man, half my size - weak, scrawny, pathetic - who can destroy my confident persona by just peeping into my house. 

I stand at crossroads of giving up and fighting on. To redeem myself, to feel safe, to feel sexy, to feel FREE! I choose the latter!

Morose yet happy!

Happy women's day...

From the society chairman, who looks at my boobs instead of my face...

From my ex, who never believed in me...

From a social worker, collecting funds for his target...

From a random shopkeeper, who doesn't know who he is messaging...

From a family member, who doesn't know about my sexual abuse...

From an ex-colleague, who uses this as a premise to get back in touch...

From a (apparent) friend, who wishes me but doesn't care two hoots about my recent injury...

Amidst all these wishes, I am happy for being alive, for being a human and being a woman! 

Holding on or letting go?

A little boy, all of 4 possibly, squirms in his seat on a flight.

The squirming is possibly some restlessness due to lack of movement, the delay in the flight taking off and his wanting to attend to nature's call.

Quite promptly (and assertively must say) he brings it to the notice of his mother. Mother directs him to go to the toilet. When the little boy attempts to do so, he is stopped by the airhostess since the flight is about to take off. He is politely and firmly escorted back to his seat by the airhostess.

The kid continues to be restless, while his mother tells him to wait fot 5 min. The 5 minutes seem like eternity to the little boy and now he turns aggressive. He lashes his arm out at his mother, the food tray, the window shade and the seat belt. 

Mother asks him to hold it in for 2 more minutes. This is probably where some threshold has been crossed. The boy points to his watch (I am pretty sure he can't tell time) and knows it's been much longer than the requested 2 or 5 minutes.

He threatens to pee inside the flight. Mother gets nervous now. She is as helpless as the little boy. The flight stands still waiting for take-off. 12 minutes have passed. 

"Don't pee here; I don't have extra clothes", she says. She fishes out a water bottle from the seat cover, "Here! Pee in this", she tells the boy.

The boy has been toilet trained now. He is scandalised! He can't imagine peeing in the bottle.

The flight takes off and lingers in the air. The seatbelt sign is still on. 

Desperation mounts - not only in the boy but also the mother (also me actually who's witnessing this).

Mother stands up. Airhostess rebukes her attempt saying she can't help it either - the seatbelt sign is on. 

Time crawls and another eon passes by. The peak of a natural instinct has reached. Unknowingly, I hold my breath.

As the plane soars into the sky, heaven smiles at the boy, rewarding him for his perseverance - the seatbelt sign is turned off.

Mother and son bounce off their seats and rush to the toilet. A disaster is averted. A few minutes later two happy, relieved faces return to their seats. 

I sigh with relief too! Well...seems it is quite the dilemma at all levels - to hold on or to let go...